I know this is not a happy image for parenting, but that’s what it feels like. Daily there are successes and failures. Daily there are times when I feel terribly inadequate. And yet, inadvertently, I am also daily reminded that I am crucially needed. In such a scenario, keeping track of daily struggles, or even those rare victories, is extremely difficult. Most of the time I am too exhausted to write.
I do know that I love my daughter. I even want to spend time with her. But in conjunction with being over-my-head with my work, being a father is just too difficult. I guess I have a wishlist, a hopelist:
1. That my daughter becomes able to sleep by herself, without needing my wife or me to actively put her to sleep all the time.
2. That my daughter is able play with other younger and older friends (while being able to protect herself, or also not hurt others).
Maybe there is more (like obviously to know Jesus Christ as her risen Lord), but currently these inane desires are all that I can remember as the next developmental phase I am looking forward to. Hopefully it will come soon.