Even as I had to “avoid” spending some time with my daughter, eventually it evened out with guests coming to visit our home. It was a family with two children, and so an important time for our daughter to know that we were there for her, and not let her feel without support as two other children invade her space. Also helpful is that I am currently on leave from my work (I am a PhD student) and so I have some guiltless time, where I don’t feel I am not working. Without the work pressure I can devote myself fully to home without feeling that I should be heading back to the office. The guilt will start next week, but for now I’m focussed on home.
Usually, this means that my wife or I handle our daughter, while the other manages the home/guests. So I got to do a lot more cooking, but also when I was with my daughter, it turned out to be good times. Also, there were even times of ‘break’ when our daughter was able to spend some time with the other older child, and that gave both of us parents much needed respite and some nice time with our friends.
So currently, I’m doing ok as a father.
There are still some internal changes though, I feel I need to change the idea that I am a capable dad or a successful parent. I think these categories are dangerous… and rather than try to be a good father, just “be” a father, and keep God first and foremost in all tasks including parenting. I haven’t thought through exactly what all this means, ie. the implications for daily living. But just to say that I am currently thinking these thoughts.