There’s another reason why I’m starting the “fatherhood” theme for this blog. Because I want to be a better father.
Just recently I discovered that I was becoming exactly the kind of parent that I rejected… even like the parenting I knew… but that was a reminder. No matter how much I believed in new ways, I was still the same person prone to the same habits as the previous generation.
But at the same time, there was the possibility, with God’s help, to at least make partial change. And firstly, I did want to be different. Not as a reaction to my past or tradition, but because I knew God wanted this new kind of parenting for my daughter.
I wanted to be a better father, because I believe God wanted me to be a better father.
And so, rather than give up, after yet another horrible day, this blog was/is an attempt to bring some order… some balance… even some perspective to my own difficulties.
Going back to the actual parenting… today I spent most of the day away from my daughter. It was nice of my wife to recognise I needed the space, and I didn’t have to do any babysitting. In fact, I even had to pick someone up from the train-station, so my wife put her to sleep by herself (usually I help putting our daughter to sleep).
This was a relief. But more because I was actually ashamed of the kind of father I was becoming. I hope that tomorrow I will face/show less of my shame, and more of the love that I have.