What’s the story so far (testimony/confessional)

…well, like I said earlier, my baby girl is a little more than seven months old… and so obviously my journey into fatherhood has been going on for a while.

The reason for this new blog direction however was reflection, and I guess, now’s as good as a time to start as any.

I never really wanted to become a father; in fact, for a while I was quite against that idea. Perhaps it was because of low self-esteem (that I would pass on negative genes to my child), or even a fear of responsibility (perhaps), or even a sense of inadequacy (can I do it), but whatever reason, I was never filled with a desire to have/raise kids.

When I married my wife, it was interesting that neither did she have that burning desire, but more so, her reaction was to the burgeoning population and the question whether we could justify adding another being into the world when so many orphans are in the world… ie. shouldn’t we adopt, if anything.

Anyway, I didn’t want to rush into parenting, nor she, so we evaded that question for about four years until God (yes, GOD!) showed us that the time was just right to have a child.

Actually, while my wife had her own transformation… I had suddenly found myself spending a lot of time with little children, and more interestingly, those little children grew comfortable with me (and vice versa). That comfort suddenly evoked a sense that fatherhood was not out of reach for me, nor something to be feared. I actually enjoyed the time I had with the children… though of course I knew that my own child would be a challenge… but somehow I found myself becoming ok and even wanting to have a child… months and weeks later… we were pregnant and there was no turning back.

My wife and I knew that we were parents the moment we conceived and we just had to learn to be better parents. My wife was working with children (professionally) in an educational/counselling set-up and so she had many ideas about children that inspired me and even challenged me about how to raise children. Through the years I had actually started practicing some of her lessons with the children I interacted with and was amazed at the results.

Hence, I knew we would be following her method, which was loosely based on “attachment parenting”. It’s a whole school of thought, that we don’t fully know or ascribe to, and yet, we knew that as God treated us, so we must treat our children… and we knew that our life and attention must focus around the needs of the child.

Our pregnancy and delivery went without too many things going wrong (praise God), and soon we had a little bundle in our midst.

I can honestly say that since that day she entered our lives, our daily life has been non-stopped filled with one thing after another… where days have merged into nights and nights into days… and I actually don’t really know how time has passed… but a lot of time and intense struggle has gone through the entire process.

I’ve walked hours with her, sung to her, fed her, calmed her… and it’s nothing compared to what my dear wife has had to do 24/7. Thankfully, we’ve a pretty secure non-competitive relationship, where we are not trying to outdo each other, or trying to complain against each other.

Right now my daughter has begun to crawl… and again I am amazed at the journey she has gone through, from struggling for survival… (infant stage)… to actually wanting to explore and grow in this world.

Ultimately, (and I’ll stop this post for now)… I am extremely awestruck (and exhausted) by this journey that I myself have been on. And I know this is just the beginning.


About NAyK

I'm an Indian. I'm a Christian. I teach Theology at SAIACS, Bangalore, India. I am married, and I have a daughter.
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